Friday, June 22, 2012

Thorough review: The Snow White and The Huntsman (2012)

Resume: Just how ugly should the Evil Queen be (Charlize Theron in that case) so that she would want to kill the Snow White (in that specific case Kristen Stewart)???


- She has Man Hands! (Jerry Seinfeld).


What's with the movie title? I don't get it. So, if you're using Miyazaki style Forest Deer, why don't you just use Miyazaki style Movie titles? :)


Why is it Bella Swann all over again? Did she forget it's a different movie now? Oh, yeah... It's Thor all over again... with an axe though... :)


The following is purely and stricly my personal opinion about the movie.

***

Snow White and the Huntman (2012).
Directed by Rupert Sanders
Written by Hossein Amini, Evan Daugherty, and John Lee Hancock
Starring: Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Claflin, Sam Spruell, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson, etc.
IMDB rating: 6.6
Metascore: 55 out of 100 (based on 33 critics)
Budget: 170 mln.
Worldwide boxoffice as of June 19, 2012: 250 mln USD.
Date of US release: June 1, 2012.

***

It's a classic story. I bet it's not worth retelling it, even though they tried to make it a bit different, add new twists and turns, still the classic remains a classic. I'm more than confident that three writers tried to do their best, and in the end we've got a (no, no, not stupid) one of the funniest movies of 2012. It's funny. There was only one irritating moment throughout the whole 2 hours and 7 minutes of running time - Kristen Stewart. I have no idea who decided to hire her as a Snow White... And then, I'm buffled as to why you hired Charlize Theron as Evil Queen? It's an equalizer for me. If you hire Kristen Stewart, you hire someone just as her. If you hire Charlize Theron as Evil Queen, you really work your ass off to find an equaly beautiful and classy girl for a Snow White. And for matter - you really hire someone who can act! Something went really wrong...

Didn't it seem hilarious when that "Mirror, Mirror" guy told Charlize that Snow White-Stewart is her menace, that she's more beautiful, that she's gonna topple her? Of course it was hilarious! Then I guess they realized that they got it wrong... Completely wrong... So they tried to smooth it out with another twist (yeah!): Snow White is Life - the deer said so! Evil Queen is Death! The Deer said so, by kneeling before Snow White-Stewart, and if so, yeah, the Queen is Death. So let the Snow White destroy her.

Oh, that mezmerizing scene when Stewart-White Snow turned out alive and brought that fascinating and hypnotizing speech before all the warriors and people with the promise to lead them to victory and they all responded with Yeah, why not? What the fuck, let's fight, that 18 y.o. will bring us happiness, life, etc., etc. What I see is this, (no, no, it's not a spoiler if you've read the classic fairy tale... If not, go and read it, it's about 20 pages long) Snow White kills the Evil Queen, brings life to all the people and lands, sees how good everything goes, and raises TAXES! You gotta pay for a good life!

What the hell about her saving the kingdom? She was in prison for so many years! WTF? What's with the Troll scene in the Dark Forest? So, for whatever reason you have subdued the Troll in the forrest, shouldn't you be able to call him/her/them to war against Evil Queen? The story was so obvious that you knew war is coming - it was a cheap war - and that's exactly why you should have called for Trolls! So, once you failed to make it fun this way, at least you should have brought it a massive scale war of Evil vs Good!

I guess I should stop here... Otherwise it turns into bullshit review. Just one more thing - the movie is really, really, really, really, really tooooo long.... Produceers! Edutors! You were really obliged to cut it to 1 hour and 30 minutes. Or just leave us all scenes where Stewart was not present...

By that I mean that all actors who starred in this movie did their best in that crapy movie! Charlize was just great! Perhaps she was too dramatic, and complex for that simplicity. I see (hope) that she saw the script and said, I don't care who plays how, I will play my best. And that she did. She simply did her best. With the lines she had to say and act for other actresses it would simply be too easy to become hysterical bitches, and you'd wish them to die as the end nears. With Charlize I really thought that the Snow White should die.

Chris Hemsworth (although I really like him) looked like Thor with an axe. But he's a good actor, and at least he did humor the movie goers a couple of times. It's just that he really looks like a rock that's impossible to move. Even when he spoke that silly monologue in front of the sleeping Snow White, he looked quite serioius. I almost screamed - Please, don't kiss her! You've got to move on! Let her go! :)

Sam Claflin (William - Snow White's childhood friend) and Sam Spruell (Evil Queen's Evil brother) - both looked good. It's just that their characters are so obvious from the screenplay. They just made them both boring. Why wouldn't Snow White-Stewart chose or wake up from William's kiss? He's almost Legolas! Nice bow shooter! As for Evil brother - they made him so weak, he just looked like some pervert whose only idea was sexual contact with the Snow White.

Well the brightest seven spots in the movies are the dwarfs. At first I thought that they hired little people for such roles. I must admit I haven't read or watched trailers for the movie, so I have no idea that the dwarfs are such fine actors! Just think about Bob Hoskins! What a nice feat for the movie! Then we've got other "so-good-to-see-you-onscreen-again" actors! It's Nick Frost from "Paul," "Shaun of the Dead," and "Hot Fuzz." It's Ian McShane from "Deadwood." It's Ray Winstone from "Sexy Beast," and "Beowulf" (the new one). It's Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan and Brian Gleeson. I know less about the last three, but I've seen them quite often in other movies - they are well known faces to anyone who likes and watches movies a lot. These guys are just fun, why wouldnt they give them more time onscreen? Less time to Stewart and more to them. I really thought that it's Bella all over again. Same gestures, same looks, same sad eyes, same boredom...

Resume: Screenplay and story - D. Kristen Stewart - D. Charlize Theron - B+ (great, but a bit too serious for that simple crap). All Other Actors - B (impressive, but poorly written characters). Cinematography - yeah, ok. Directing - C (give him a break, it's his first time). Don't have to watch, save time and money.

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